Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
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