Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
