Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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