I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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