Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
