You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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