let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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