yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
