Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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