fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
And then he peed in my hair
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