i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
