U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
What a dumb baby whore.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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