Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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