I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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