You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
