So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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