I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
