Your face is a jimmy john
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
