i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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