Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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