she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
