last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
