I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
