I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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