i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
