Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
