Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
