dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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