I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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