I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
This is my gift to your gina
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
