do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
