He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
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