It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
