omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
