I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
