sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
