She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
