Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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