i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize