i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
