Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Randomize
