I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
