I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
