He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
