I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I love having hate sex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
