Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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