we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I just want to make out with him forever
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
