I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
