I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dear god my vagina.
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