Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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