Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Randomize
