Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Randomize
