ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
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