so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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