Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
