i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
