my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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