I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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