good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize