does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
