Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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