I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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