Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
