Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
