You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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