Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
