So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Randomize
