I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
