Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want to fling myself into the sun
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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