Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
