STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
