pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
