There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
