You made me cry and you don't even care
1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
i wish my penis had a tongue
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm at about main and main street
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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