Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
