somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Just high enough for therapy.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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