Pappa wants mamma naked
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
you're hired as official boob wrangler
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
